A Night Out. Warning: Teenage Angst Inside

June 7, 2010 at 5:06 pm (Uncategorized)

I left the house for the first time last night – this morning. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going. It was rushed in a flurry of anger and depression. ‘Where are going this time of night?’ ‘Out.’ Was my only reply after I had doned an office shirt and my raggedy pair of flip flops. I grabbed my purse, because it contained my wallet and I wanted nothing more then a cigarette, and left without another word.

It was cold but I wasn’t freezing. The only thing that mattered was that I could breathe. It had become more than a little suffocating after confronting my mom about my college situation. ‘We shouldn’t be getting less money if you’re not contributing.’ A line I think hurt her. She spent several minutes up in the attic, ‘licking’ her wounds and talking to the neighbor after that. I didn’t care. She had hurt my feelings, my freedom, so it was only ‘fair’ for me to hurt hers. Besides she had stormed out before. Packed a bag and dressed my sister and drove to a place I still don’t know about. But she came back and she was better.

I came back and I was better.

I teared up a little, looking at the ‘For Sale’ on my grandmother’s front lawn. I walked in the middle of the road. I nearly hid from every car, thinking that they had hopped in their cars to look for me. I found the source of those disgusting black beetles that have found a home in our dining room. I sat on the porch for awhile before deciding that my throat felt bad from the harsh night air and I needed something to soothe it. A slurpee from 7-11.

On my way I ran into a visiting Samoan who had just come from the 24 hour convenience store. He was looking for an International calling card. I told him that there were three gas stations as well as Walgreens but Walgreens was closed. He walked me to 7-11 where I bought my slurpee, a lighter, and a pack of Newort 100s even though I swore to myself I wouldn’t. We walked up the road to each gas station and wouldn’t you know…BP was open. I couldn’t help but think that maybe the guy would screw us over – a common trait nowadays. He nearly did if it wasn’t for the Samoan’s examining eye. We ran into his sister soon after and she smiled at me as if I was some Lady of the Night. I sort of think that he thought the same even though I admitted to him that I had left the house on my own, angry as hell with several rhymes and reasons. He listened to them all and admitted that some were wrong of me to think but the others had some justification.

All of a sudden he wanted to ‘kick it’ with me. Being this ‘young’ and not knowing exactly what ‘kick it’ means is probably the worst mistake I could have ever made last night. That and letting him walk me home. I think I put too much trust in him but he didn’t seem creepy or stalkerish. He was nice and desperate to have a friend to hang out with while he was up here visiting. But I couldn’t help the train of thought as I got into the house. I was thinking of ways to not hang out with him tomorrow. I finally figured it out and placed a note on my screen door to tell him the truth. I was sick. Too sick to hang out. I am. I put myself a day back in my recovery.

But it’s worth it because my head is a lot clearer and I’ve somehow been enlightened. Once I sort out the thoughts I had I might post them. There was just too much for me to process into one little blog post.


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