For Once Regretting Bacon and Pasta.

July 9, 2010 at 11:59 pm (Uncategorized) (, , , , , , )

I scoffed at the Total Gym when QVC showed it as an item for sale at one in the morning. I thought:

‘The nerve of these people! Praying on the weak points of our subconcious’ that tell us that the we should all look like that when we’re fifty!’

I thought of it as if QVC had the audacity to sell a piece of equipment that would give some people, not all, a new lease on life as their pounds are shed. Now with one simple gesture of being pointed at and cheeks being puffed out I’m sitting on my bed staring longingly at the Total Gym with a bowl of Ranch&Bacon Pasta salad. It’s sad really. Very pathetic.

I wore a skirt today that doesn’t zipper all the way anymore even though it fit perfectly just three weeks before I went to college. I had to toss away a stretch button up shirt this morning after feeling the tightness around my arms and witnessing the pulling of the buttons just above my belly button. I was worried all night that my new facebook friend, an internet friend mostly, would think I was fat despite everything that we’ve been through. As if he would abandon me because of the fifteen to twenty pounds I had packed around one thigh. I was reminded yesterday of a diet book I had read at age fourteen about snacking. All I can remember of the book was this lingering image of a fat woman sitting in the midst of nine black trashbags, homeless, and the fact that she ate seven times a day.

While I looked through my fashion book from the Kyoto Costume Institute in Japan, I couldn’t help but think that none of these dresses emphasized a waist size. They had a distinct silhouette but no matter the weight a woman would look beautiful and well put together. It gave me the idea of tossing away all my slouchy tee shirts and working nonstop on a wardrobe just like it. No one was ever concerned with being model thin. If anything they were worrying if their ass and hips looked too small and narrow. Unlike today where we wonder if we’re small enough, thin enough, and having curves at the same time.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only people destined for modern society images are those who are born with the ‘inappropriate’ genes to be shapely and athletic. I was destined to be big boned with small chesticles and broad shoulders. I will only be thin with  lady bumps and lumps in my dreams, running and jumping on the backs of my lover, silky hair flying in the wind.

Time for another wardrobe change.

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